I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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