I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize