There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
