I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
