its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
