i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
