did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
