The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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