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Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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