I'm pants shitting drunk right now
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
