Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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