I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
