he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
