Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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