Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
