i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Did I show you my penis last night?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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