I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
