you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
