Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
