I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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