Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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