Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
