Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
