my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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