Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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