Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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