another moral hangover. fuck.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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