return my video game
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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