She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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