Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
