He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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