as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
