i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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