I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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