Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
