I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
