I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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