This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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