The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize