Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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