can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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