return my video game
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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