Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
