Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
