Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
