Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
