Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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