Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
