I never want to see another naked old woman again.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
And my parents said I crawled through the house
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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