Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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