Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
God I need to hump something, right now.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
