i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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