no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
