His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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