I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
