You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
you had me at cake vodka
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
