I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
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