If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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