My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
