Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Randomize
