Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
