Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
