love makes seman taste better
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
