Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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