Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
