Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
