he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
