WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
