I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
