I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
