the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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