So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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